Everything I've Always Wanted:

On Rejection, Acceptance, Power & Failure.

'Finally Letting Go' has been a real big theme in my life over the last six weeks as I’ve stared down the barrel of this move/my trauma/life itself.

Letting go, and letting things end.

Not beating a horse to death, not chasing the ‘what if’, not continuing to leave claw marks on everything I’ve ever loved and eventually lost.

I loved this house, and the last one, and the one before it.
And I fought really hard to keep those other two, and the lives I lived within.
To stay.
To have some sort of stability, permanence, whatever.

But this house and its owner and the controlling, domineering games people continue to try to play with me have brought up a LOT of my own unresolved shit — as I’ve said in the last couple of posts.

But now…

Now that I’ve sorted through all of that shit, written all of it out, processed the ugly and embarassing and human parts of it… Now the gratitude for all of it is finally starting to settle in.
Not fear.
Not shame.
Not humiliation over failing at something else, or embar…